I could really go for one now, just to make me forget for a little while.
The girl with the biggest smile, and the giving heart is the one who’s dead inside. She’s the one who is bleeding within, her soul darkened and her heart weakened. She doesn’t see beauty in herself no matter how many boys tell her that she’s beautiful. She doesn’t see intelligence no matter how many teachers tell her she’s doing well. She doesn’t see love no matter who tells her she deserves it. The only thing she can see is a razor in one hand and a her skin waiting to bleed.
I think I’m scared to kill myself because I’m scared I won’t get it right. What if I don’t cut deep enough and someone saves me, what if the car I jump In front of isn’t speeding fast enough, what if god isn’t ready to have me in his company.
Sometimes I really want to just kill myself, like tonight. I’ve always wondered what it’d be like to just leave, just disappear and I want to and I think I will. Maybe tonight. It’s no longer anger that assumes me it’s just sadness. It’s all sadness. I feel emptiness. I want to get up from under my sheets, grab my jacket, walk out the front door and don’t turn back or stop when she’s calling my name or asking me where I think I’m going. Because I’m sick of hearing that voice, that voice that causes my depression, that voice that makes me feel so sad, so worthless, it’s that voice that makes me weak. But is tonight just another night, just another one of those nights I’m told to “deal with it” and stop being a sook. Maybe I should make it my last night.
In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.